Brooklyn NineNine 10 Best Amy Santiago Quotes

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: 10 Best Amy Santiago Quotes

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1 Brooklyn Nine-Nine: 10 Best Amy Santiago Quotes

Amy Santiago is one of Brooklyn Nine-Nine’s secret weapons, in that many of her lines are actually some of the funniest on the show.

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Amy Santiago is the nerdiest member of the 99th precinct on the hit sitcom, Brooklyn Nine-Nine. She is the kind of person who takes a lot of pride in her binder game, who doesn’t mind being called a teacher’s pet (because “people love their pets”), and who will do anything to make sure the precinct is organized and running smoothly.

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Of course, that doesn’t mean that the character is any less funny than anyone else on the show. Melissa Fumero imbues Amy with great energy and her comedic timing is every bit as sharp as anyone else’s. These are just some of the best quotes that have been spoken by Amy Santiago.

10 “Stop clapping, you idiots! We gotta move, move, move!”

When Amy needs to show the rest of the detectives that she means business, she does not mess around. Of course, this has also given her a little bit of a reputation for being uptight. Every once in a while she tries to show everyone that she can be just as laid back as they are.

This is a big part of the fifth season episode, “99,” where the squad is trying to get back to the city in time for Holt to take the interview for a possible job as commissioner of the NYPD. After Jake tells Amy they need her to go back to her old high strung ways to get them home in time, Amy comes up with a complicated plan to get the home, which impresses everyone, but leaves no time for applause.

9 “I learned a bunch of new dance moves for tonight.”

“Ones where you move your butt.”

When the nine-nine heads to a police convention out of town, all of the detectives are excited for the annual party thrown by the Buffalo PD. However, after that department is arrested for corruption, the nine-nine is left without a party to attend. Amy feels especially down about it, considering she just learned all these new dance moves.

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Of course, the nine-nine is not going to stand idly by and let the chance to cut loose pass them by, so they throw their own party, against the wishes of Captain Holt. Amy gets the chance to bust out her dance moves, and everyone has a great time, although it does result in some problems the next morning.

8 “I file hard. I need strong tabs.”

If there’s one thing that fans of the show know about Amy Santiago, it’s that she loves organization. Her binder obsession has only grown over six seasons, and she still gets excited about office supplies. It goes way beyond pens, binders, and file folders, though. Santiago is absolutely obsessed with anything organizational.

So when she’s talking about tabs for her binders, she makes it clear that she needs the highest quality ones. Weak tabs are no good for Santiago, and will give out under the sheer force of her organizational skills.

7 “Cashew? It was an almond, you idiot!”

“I hope you drown in a tub! I hope you have aneurysm after aneurysm after aneurysm!”

Santiago may try to keep herself in check most of the time, but like anyone else she can lose her temper, and when she does, it is spectacular. In the season 1 episode, “Fancy Brudgom,” Amy, Terry, and Gina all take part in a diet program that really does not provide enough sustenance for the three of them.

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Amy tries her best to get the most out of her small amount of food, spending time sucking on an almond. However, when Hitchcock causes her to spit it out and then steps on it, Amy flies into a rage that is only made worse when Hitchcock mistakes the almond for a cashew.

6 “Fraud dog! Fraud dog! Fraud dog!”

One of Amy’s only weaknesses is dogs. Not because she loves them, but because she is deathly allergic to them. Any time she is near a dog, she immediately breaks out in an allergic reaction. This led to some pretty tense moments when the nine-nine was forced to share their office space with the nine-eight in season three.

One of the detectives who has moved into the precinct has a service dog that is supposedly helping with his foot pain (when Amy asks how the dog helps with that, the detective responds that she is legally not allowed to ask him that). Once things really start devolving in the precinct, Amy accuses the detective of having a fraud dog.

5 “Cruise itineraries, hot out of the laminator.”

“Who’s ready for some nonstop totally scheduled fun?”

Did we mention that Amy likes to be organized? On top of that, she is absolutely obsessed with laminating things, making sure that she has a clean, spill-proof copy of any important document. When she had to limit her use of the laminator for Green Week, she turned to hand laminating, which she admitted was nowhere near as effective.

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So it makes sense, then, that even before Amy and Jake go on a carefree vacation, she has already planned out every single step of their trip, made an itinerary, and, of course, laminated it for good measure. The plans all go out the window though when the couple ends up having to help Doug Judy, the Pontiac Bandit, once again.

4 “That’s why they say ‘it’s test time, so diaper up.'”

“They say that. I’ve never said that.”

Amy has always been a star student, much to her classmate’s chagrin (and even the teachers occasionally, who apparently had to tell Amy o go outside during recess because “teachers need a break too”). It makes sense then that Amy would take testing very seriously.

How seriously, you ask? Well, it is apparently her thought that if you’re taking a test, then bathroom breaks are going to impede your success, so it’s better to just throw on a diaper and keep working. Once she says it out loud, though, Amy realizes that maybe she doesn’t want people knowing that’s how she takes a test.

3 “Rosa, those are our dads! I mean… That’s not what I think.”

“Captain Dad is just my boss.”

One of the show’s early cold opens (which are often the best moment of any episode) saw Jake accidentally calling Captain Holt ‘Dad.’ Jake obviously caught a lot of flack for this, and even Amy was dunking on him about it.

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However, it’s pretty obvious that even Amy looks at Captain Holt as a father figure. In the season four episode, “Skyfire Cycle,” Amy and Rosa are trying to figure out why Holt and Kevin are fighting with each other, and this is what Amy says when Rosa insists that the two of them just need to “bone.”

2 “When I told my garbage man I was a cop, he said ‘Gross.'”

“He had someone else’s bandaid stuck to him.”

It’s no secret that the NYPD has had some difficulties in its past: corruption, racial profiling, stop and frisk, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine luckily, has never strayed too far from addressing some of those issues.

When Captain Holt was moved to the Department’s PR department, he was put in charge of making new promotional materials, and he chose Amy to appear as the new face of the NYPD. Amy thought this was a great idea since she had already seen how regular people reacted to the news that she was a cop. Of course, the original posters made people even angrier, so Holt decided to change his tact, instead asking the public to tell the Department how they could do better.

1 “We don’t know no secret. You be crazy.”

“I always talk like this. Down in Kokomo.”

Like other television characters, Amy has a problem with lying, especially when she is lying to Holt. Since Amy is so obsessed with Holt being her mentor, there is no way that she would ever feel comfortable with being dishonest.

In the fourth season episode, “The Bank Job,” Amy is trying to keep a secret, and is very obviously doing a bad job of it. for one thing, she is far too nervous about it, and for another, it causes her to speak gibberish, which to her probably sounds like she is keeping it cool.

NEXT: 10 Things Brooklyn Nine-Nine Does Better Than The Office

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